Stick Shenanigans
by Moonlight Sonata14
Summary: What happens when two naive, impressionable warriors discover a little secret of their medicine cat that would be better left undiscovered? Well, they'd probably explode from laughter... if they didn't get their heads bitten off first.


**A/N: Okay, this story was purely meant to be a joke, so please don't take it seriously or judge the writing style too harshly!**

**I don't own Warriors!**

* * *

A cat slunk through the deciduous trees of the forest, wary and hostile, fur standing up on its spine.  
The sun was at its zenith, shining fiercely onto the lake surface below, causing the water to glitter in the golden light.  
The cat made its way down the slope to the lake shore, defiantly and surely, even though it missed its footing and slipped a few times. Upon reaching the lake's edge, it headed towards a large tree and began poking around at the thick, gnarled roots. The cat successfully gripped something in its jaws and slid it out from under the tree. It was a long, smooth stick, with neat and unnatural marks embedded onto it.  
The cat picked about the roots, finally settling at the tree base. Gripping the stick it had sought out, with paws tightly wound around it, the cat drifted off into a pleasant slumber.

"No…what does it mean?"

Two cats sat shoulder to shoulder, watching the sleeping one, stifling their laughter.

"I think Jayfeather's gone a little crazy," Rosepetal remarked, humour shining in her eyes.

"Be quiet!" Foxleap exclaimed. "He's saying something!"

"I don't understand…stay with me…"

"Whoa, is he in LOVE with that stick? Foxleap yowled outrageously, only to be cuffed around the ear by a very harsh paw.

"Foxleap, don't!" the owner of the paw scolded. "You'd better not wake him up, or he'll bite our heads off!"

Foxleap took a moment to reflect on what Jayfeather might do to the two young cats, should he find them here. After showing himself a rather confronting image of Jayfeather's mouth enlarging to the point where he bit Foxleap's head off in one bite, he shuddered. "Sorry, Rosepetal."

The cats turned their attention back to the sleeping cat, which was now rolling around at the base of the tree. Much to the hilarity of Rosepetal and Foxleap, the stick was still in his tight clutches.

It took all the willpower in the world for the youthful ThunderClan warriors not to burst out laughing.

"Rock…don't leave me…Rock…ROCK!"

That was it. Rosepetal and Foxleap couldn't stand it any longer. They both erupted into huge bouts of laughter. The tom actually fell over, only for the she-cat to collapse on top of him.

"A rock? He's in love with a stick first, and now a ROCK?" Foxleap choked.

"Ooooh, drama!" Rosepetal howled, kicking her legs in amongst the unceremonious tangle of limbs. She made a point of ignoring Foxleap's exclamations of pain. "Jayfeather's been a naughty boy!" she giggled. They managed to catch eye-contact, which just made them laugh harder.

Suddenly, Jayfeather started to moan and stir. The two young cats stopped in their tracks and the pleasure shining in their eyes was replaced by sharp horror. They paused, and glanced at each other for a split second before pelting back up the slope and sinking into the trees of the forest.

Foxleap grabbed Rosepetal by the scruff of her neck and dragged her down behind a large rock jutting out of the ground. They watched fearfully as Jayfeather's unseeing eyes snapped open and he immediately stood up, swivelling his head as though surveying the surroundings.

"I smell cat!" he snarled, 'looking' in the direction of the two warrior's hiding place. "Come out and maybe I won't claw your pelts off!"

"What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?" Foxleap muttered desperately. "He's gonna turn us into crowfood if he catches us!"

"Be quiet and maybe he won't notice us." Rosepetal hissed, slinking down behind the rock until her brown fur was no longer visible, not that it would make much difference to the situation.

Jayfeather was still sniffing around, his whiskers quivering. The medicine cat edged closer, and his blank blue eyes stared straight at the rock the two warriors were hiding behind.

"I know you're there…"

"Foxleap," Rosepetal snapped. "When I say so, we're just gonna run."

"We're just gonna run?"

"We're just gonna run."

The grey tabby was picking his way through the undergrowth, closer…closer…

"Three,"

A low, guttural growl escaped his throat, closer still…

"Two,"

The orange tom picked up a small pebble in his jaws and tossed it in the opposite direction. Jayfeather flinched at the noise and turned, but kept on advancing…deadly close…

"RUN!"

* * *

"Hey, Rosepetal, I've got a good idea."

"If you say so…just don't come crying to me if you get turned into crowfood."

After Foxleap and Rosepetal had discovered Jayfeather's beloved stick, they had never thought about their medicine cat the same way. Even though he was usually moody and crotchety, they had seen a side of him that they wouldn't soon forget.

Even though they managed to run away in time, over the last few days the medicine cat had been treating the two of them with a little hostility. He hadn't really been speaking to them unless he had to, and when he did, it would always be in this irritable, accusatory tone that sent a pulse of fear through the young cats whenever they heard it.

Foxleap had thoroughly enjoyed their hair-raising adventure, and he had an apparently 'genius' idea of a funny time-killer he and Rosepetal could do. Their little inside-joke was a recurring theme in conversation.

Foxleap wanted to steal Jayfeather's stick.

Glowing eyes pierced the murky darkness of moonhigh. Under the completely reliable cover of night, the cats swiftly pawed their way through the undergrowth, and emerged out to arrive at the water's edge. The stars shone brightly. The claw-moon seemed to glare down at Foxleap and Rosepetal as if it was reprimanding them.

Maybe StarClan was unhappy with them.

They approached the thick roots of the tree, and Foxleap boldly thrust his head in a gaping hole at the base. Although the situation called for sneakiness, the cats made a fair bit of noise. There was scuffling, loud bangs of Foxleap's hollow head and Rosepetal's _encouraging_ hisses of "Hurry up! Get it! Move, you great fuzzball!"

The reddish-brown tabby clumsily retracted his head from the gap, one end of the stick clasped firmly in his jaws. He awkwardly waddled backwards until the stick had been drawn out of its home amongst the roots. Foxleap let the stick clatter to the ground, making a hollow wooden noise as it did so.

"Easy as swallowing a minnow!" Foxleap puffed, sticking out his chest. "Although, my mouth tastes like _stick _now."

Rosepetal sighed. "Yes, yes, well done! Now, where should we hide it?" she asked, swinging her head around and surveying her surroundings.

"Ha!" Foxleap scoffed. "I can't wait to see Jayfeather's reaction-"

"Well, we're just about to!"

Rosepetal sharply nudged him with her shoulder. Following her gaze, he stiffened at the revelation. What cat should be making their way directly towards them, but the one they were trying to steal from!

"For a blind cat, he sure gets around." Foxleap remarked, rather casually for the situation.

"Come on!" Rosepetal hissed, and hustled him back up the slope away from where Jayfeather had emerged. Foxleap made meagre yowling noises in protest, and tried to grasp the stick which was lying on the ground.

"Leave it!" the light brown she cat warned. The two cats scampered back up the slope and took cover in amongst the foliage, and watched as Jayfeather approached his tree and discovered the stick had mysteriously escaped its hiding place. To their horror, Jayfeather began to sniff the stick for definitive cat scent. Blue eyes flashing, he lifted his head and opened his mouth, tasting the air.

"This is your fault!" Foxleap whispered, ignoring Rosepetal stiffening in shock. "If you didn't stop me from doing this then we wouldn't be repeating last time!"

Rosepetal half-heartedly smacked him with a light paw. "Me?" she gasped. "You're the one who's about as stealthy as a _badger!_ Besides, it was your idea, and you should have a little-"

Her breath caught in her throat as she met the cloudy blue eyes staring at her, face to face.

* * *

**I believe Erin Hunter intended these two young warriors to be mates at some point… but Foxleap is actually Rosepetal's…uncle... Turns out Foxleap's (way older) brother Spiderleg fathered Rosepetal and her brother. Disturbed yet? Warriors family relations are all screwed up. I mean, heaps of ThunderClan cats are cousins, and Foxleap's somehow related to Tribe members, Mistystar and Mothwing, and even Tigerstar...**

**And on that delightful note, thanks for reading!**


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